I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
