i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
