I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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