It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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