I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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