I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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