There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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