I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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