Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
