I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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