Me too!
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
