I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
