I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
