oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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