Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
