New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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