I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
