he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
