2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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