My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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