then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My feet surprised me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
