They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
