I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
