New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
