pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
