She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
