the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
