what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
porn star boner night. come get it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
