You're my little dorito
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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