I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
