I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I want a musical about memes.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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