You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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