super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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