there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
