Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
