I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
