How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
