There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
