Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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