guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
