Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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