my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude i'm inner monologue high
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
