I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
