Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
