you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
