she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
