I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
