Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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