Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
