too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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