she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
