My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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